Legalities first and formost!!


Read more under the cut!!

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The next two (short) installments of Synnin viemää are up in my journal:

John Fryer talks about the recording of Razorblade Romance

Ville talks about the songs on Razorblade Romance

Also, I forgot to say the last time I posted that with that chapter, we passed the halfway point!

Someone once told me it's all in my head.
Every negative feeling
Every broken idea or emotion

The mind is a dangerous thing
It makes you feel things you shouldn't feel
confusing lies that once ate (and still eat) at the fragile heart

We're supposed to be survivalists
We're supposed to be intelligent human beings
So why do 'feelings' rob us of all our common sense?

Love.

What does it mean to love someone?
Do you even know what that means?
Love isn't just saying it for the sake of feeling good.

I know what it means to love unconditionally, selflessly, passionately.
I know what it means to wanna take every pain from their heart and their eyes
I know what it's like to live it, breathe it and lose it.

Your heart can't hurt if you tell your mind not to let it.
Everything seems easier when you tell yourself it should be
I tell myself what I want to hear..I never needed anyone else for that

Death.

The soul no longer illuminates the body and the cavernous shell ceases to exist
If you believe that this portion of your being will live forever---
And that time and space have no bearing..then you too will be comforted

I see their faces and the overwhelming love their presence brings me
I see what my earthly self could never feel or understand
I see like I never did before and I love that much more

My visions shake even the greatest seer to the core
what I feel is not to be shared or told
at least not to the faint of heart or unbelieving...

Forgiveness.

I'm not so much disappointed any more when I can gauge the outcome. Predictable.
I no longer cry for days wishing for death..begging for it.
Now it seems like I'm just waiting for it, after all you killed me long ago.

What does it mean when someone tells you they are sorry?
It's a momentary feeling of regret on their part
The mouth just audibly catches up to the thought

The original vile is the one that sits deeply in your self-conscious
The disgusting beast of anger and resentment you cannot forget
There's no room in the heart for love when you're brewing with disdain and bitterness

Self-Love.

I could never love you as much as you love yourself.
Actually, I could...I did. And I do.
You have me beat most days though.

I can't make myself understand enough what would compel someone to hurt me in such ways
I can't understand why it's so easy...so simple..so intrusively built into my nature
And yet such a confounded concept to most..it's just always easier said than done

I always thought you had enough respect for yourself to not be knocked down
To not let anyone grasp you like that and shake your world around
I always thought you were stronger than that but once again, you let us down by not being around.

The Ladies Who Bake

The ladies who bake
Knead and fist into your skin
Molding it to fit their standards,
of satisfaction.
But even with all the powder,
poking and prodding,
It just ends up being scarification
you cannot conceal.
No time for preheating,
so they can warm up to you,
They’ve already placed you on the counter
to cool.
They’ve forgotten you.


Little Douglass,
You were just a dark prickly voice
That wallowed in the mud.
I fell in love with it,
But I pitied you so.
I hope you finally perked your head up,
Above your tangled roots,
I hope you are looking up and,
Seeing much.
I hope you used the pores in your,
Supple skin and sucked the life out of the
Air’s ready bosom.
I hope you took it all, as if it were meant for you
And was always your own.
I hope you grew.
I hope you flexed,
And expanded out,
Past the muddy world,
That knew you.
I hope you found that,
the sky was the limit.
That you are no longer just
a little fir,
a small prickly thing,
that checked it's ego,
and couldn't forget
the tangled mess that was your history,
and the roots that held you there.

I’m just smoke and mirrors in your clandestine operation.
Hiding my agenda by the way of blind temptation.
Emoting lacerations from your passive state of play.
Peeling back the crust revealing lesions of betray.
Ordinary sins perceived as bounty by abundance.
Predatory patterns leaving me as the encumbrance.
Persistent pulsing pain - my faithful confidant.
Violent eruptions surge till they resolve or palpitate.
Andante strides to my bedside, vaudeville act of continence.
His breath undulates in the sullen fog that brands his pale absence.

I have a boyfriend made of glass
a fragile thing with crystal class
who sleeps too much
does nothing rash

and years i've spent dancing around
his see through limbs
his ghostly frown
trying to find a way around
or inside or...something

and he moves slow
in shadows
is sometimes there, sometimes alone
sometimes nursing cracked wounds

and there is no way
for me and him to lay
together without him shattering
and splintering all over me

and so how do we fix this?
a basic flaw in genial makeup
two people thrown so at odds
or rather one, with the world

and something more beautiful couldn't exist
the way the sunlight catches his wrists
his hips, his lips.
any little part of him

and when he smiles
everything melts
and i think that I probably could
make this fucked up thing work.

and then it turns
suspends above
and I remember that glass
doesn't know how to love.

Marked
P.C. Cast, Kristin Cast
YA fiction; fantasy; series
306 pages

Enter the dark, magical world of The House of Night, a world very much like our own, except here vampyres have always existed. Sixteen-year-old Zoey Redbird has just been Marked as a fledgling vampyre and joins the House of Night, a school where she will train to become an adult vampire. That is, if she makes it through the Change--and not all of those who are Marked do. It sucks to begin a new life, especially away from her friends, and on top of that, Zoey is no average fledgling. She has been chosen as special by the vampyre Goddess Nyx. Zoey discovers she has amazing powers, but along with her powers come bloodlust and an unfortunate ability to Imprint her human ex-boyfriend. To add to her stress, she is not the only fledgling at the House of Night with special powers: When she discovers that the leader of the Dark Daughters, the school's most elite group, is misusing her Goddess-given gifts, Zoey must look deep within herself for the courage to embrace her destiny--with a little help from her new vampyre friends.

I was pleasantly surprised that I was so engrossed in the first book in the House of Night series. I really enjoyed the storyline and I really like the unique take on "vampyres" in this series. It does remind me a bit of Hogwarts, but to me, that is a positive thing. The only thing I did not care for is some of the immature language spouted off by some of the characters, but then again, this is written for a younger audtience than myself. However, I feel like as this series progresses, it will get even more darker and more interesting. I cannot wait to read the rest of the books.

Books read this year: 46/50.

i called 1-800-god-sear
listened to bad music
left 100s of urgent messages
but no one ever called me back
i guess i need to bail myself out

This is a dying season, the season of dying things,
Dying everything.
You flare up into something vast and luminous;
I think maybe you are saying fuck you to
All the rot and decay that looks so pretty
And lies about it and has everyone fooled.
You rise up out of yourself,
Going elsewhere, elsewhen, maybe, bright and shiny.
And I remember spring when you fell into me
And became something
Much more than green trees and wet earth.

You don’t understand why I cover my face with my hands
And kneel in the dead grass to keep the sight of you flying
Out of my memory.
You laugh and come gently back to the ground.
“Why are you crying?”
I don’t want to tell you it is because I saw
Blood where you had been standing,
And it was full of life while you were gray
Up against the sky.

I won't name names, but
I was wrong to let you in
A regret I can't forget
In my eyes, you aint a man

I should let you go now
Didn't really want you anyways
Please take all the memories
There aint no reason for them to stay

How can you sleep at night
When you used me like you did
You know how much it hurt me
All the pain I hid


So keep on drivin fast
Don't even stop to say goodbye
Leave my broken heart in the past
And leave enough room for me to fly

I am

I am

I am...

I am the air that you breathe

I am the feel of your lungs, expanding with ease

I'm the sleep stuck to your eyes in the morning

No matter where you are now, I'm the end of your story

I am the distance, closing the gap

The sweet hum of dreams calling you back

the place just between asleeep and awake

I am mid morning, twilight, and daybreak.

I'm the ghost of an itch on the back of your neck

the sweestest thought that you've kept in your head

the marrow of bones

the prayer for the dead.

I am the wind when it moves through the trees

I am the sweetest hit of your weed

and the feel of your brain when it turns fuzzy

I am all of the ways you wouldn't love me

I am the walls of you room

The floor beneath your feet

I am the rumble of thunder

and the hottest summer heat

I am the waves as they fall onto the beach

the rocks that are sand

and will be dust

that is what I am

I am the prolouge, the middle the end

I am the words on the page and the ink in the pen

I am the very fabric of your rhyming

you can't feel me? you're not trying.

I am the words as they fall from your lips

I'm the shape of your fingers in their pre-dreaming grip,

i'm the space you occupy when you disappear

the road that you drive

the sky in the rear view mirror

I am escape

a way out of town

I am the girl who is still hanging around

but I am

I am

I am and I'm aware.

We collide
as the world collapses
No more life and no more death
No more joy and no more sorrow
Just...
breath on my cheeck
fingers grasping my waist
As the frame crashes down around us

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0TzraB37dI

Follow the link to part 2 on youtube, posted by MsCyanidesun. My favorite Ville and Mige interview of all time, it should appear here more often.

Don't you just love the view? I don't own any of these, so please speak up if they are yours.

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*2 years ago: Protector of the Small*

To celebrate that I go to my first HIM concert. With thanks to Mo..Thanks so much sweetie...And I'm soooo very happy and excited. I can't wait....*JUMPS UP AND DOWN*


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